I HAVE SAID THE F WORD FOR AS LONG AS I REMEMBER....

Some statements Have a profound effect on our lives. Some statements are etched. INTO OUR MINDS and creep INTO OUR daily lives EVEN AS ADULTS. 

IF ONLY I COULD LOSE FIVE MORE POUNDS...

These statements shape how we see ourselves. They create behaviors that sometimes can last for a very long time . Sometimes we unconsciously  pass on  behaviors that manafest from our thoughts.  In my case the statements that were etched into my mind were  NOBODY LIKES A FAT GIRL, IF ONLY YOU WOULD LOSE 5 MORE POUNDS!

So imagine my horror when I heard my daughter say, "I can lose weight by going to the bathroom ,and throwing up! I was stunned . I asked her where she learned that from, and she said from you MOM. 

I felt a a wave of guilt hit me . I remembered saying your eating too many cookies,  that's to many carbohydrates,  if you're going to eat like that you're going to have to exercise more . 

HER DIET IS LIMITED BECAUSE OF TACTILE ISSUES.....

Her diet is very limited because of tactile issues. So food choices are important,  but not first on my priority list to tackle .

After my guilt subsidized, I knew I had to have a  conversation with her about the healthy way to lose weight . In that conversation I reinforced the points that she was beautiful and had such a cute little figure.

After talking to her about healthy weight loss, I then explained why I never want her to be heavy .

IF you are still wondering...

So if you still are wondering... the F WORD is FAT!!!

HOW MY OBSESSION BEGAN ...

I started exercising almost thirty three years ago. I quickly became obsessed ! I was working out 7 days a week. 

 The smaller I got. The more obsessed I became. I counted every calorie that went into my mouth. I ate nothing fried, no red meat and deprive myself of sweets. At one point I was eating a bagel and a can of peas a day . My relationship with food became very unhealthy.

 Eventually deprivation led to binging and purging. After binging I would feel guilty, and I would purge!!

 As time passed bindging and purging were not enough. In my mind I was still fat, so I started using laxatives!! It was nothing for me to take fifteen or twenty laxatives if I was having fat attack 

 In my thirties, I finally realized what I was doing was very unhealthy . The consequences of my behavior were  surfacing. I continued to be obsessive with exercise, but the binging and the purging had slowed down tremendously. 

After I  had my daughter my obsession with my weight took a backseat. My relationship with food improved. But those fat thoughts would resurfaced again when my daughter became a tween .

I found myself projecting my fat fears on to her. This became clear when I started fat shaming ! 

I now realize my statements about food were having a negative impact on her. I was still having difficulty changing her eating habits ( yes we have done food therapy too ) ,so I decided to concentrated on portion size and exercise. We found a fitness class that she likes and we swim during the summer, but exercise is not her favorite thing to do .

THE IMPORTANCE OF EXERCISE...

I know that exercise promotes the release of endorphins ( hormones) which increase pleasure , motivation and make you feel like you want to do the activity again. I was very surprised at what I learned next ......

I learned how exercise specifically impacts people on the spectrum.  

DON'T WORRY I will share what I learned in my next entry.